The Most Interesting Man in the World is Banished to Mars!
His waterbed is filled with 1945 Chateau Pétrus.
When he buys a bottle of wine, The Wine Advocate automatically gives it 100 points.
He once created the Wine of the Year with Popeil’s Veg-O-Matic and some Tupperware.
He is … “The Most Interesting Man in the World”.
At least he was until Dos Equis, the beer brand he helped turn into a popular internet meme, announced he was being replaced by a younger actor. Jonathan Goldsmith, the 77 year-old star who has 
played the role since the ad campaign’s inception in 2006, is much more than an old guy with a smarmy Fernando Lamas accent and a bad spray-on tan. He is the life of parties he has never attended. When he drives a new car off the lot, it increases in value. He was last seen entering a rocket ship headed for outer space where he is destined to become “The Most Interesting Man on Mars”.
Scotts Name The Top 100 Most Influential Wine Blogs. My Arse!
A few of days ago I received a couple of welcome surprises in my inbox. First, it appears I’m about to come into a substantial sum of money from a Nigerian prince. Secondly, I learned that WineSnark.com has been named one of the “Top 100 Most Influential Wine Blogs of 2015”. This is in stark contrast to my present standing as “The Least Influential Person in My Own Home”.
Wine Bloggers create awards like this because they realize that actors and athletes aren’t the only insecure neurotics in need of validation. Our awards might not be as masculine as the Heisman Trophy or as phallic as the Oscar, but we still know where to put them – in the mancave next to the spelling bee trophies.
Read MoreSimiles In Wine Journalism Are Like ‘Totally Awesome’.
Chapter Six, Part Two.
Americans often have difficulty with the vocabulary of wine analysis, which is odd as we seem to have no problem talking about our “feelings”. We’ve become so sensitive that I often well up with tears just watching a Hallmark commercial and something really emotional can send me to bed for a week, say something like picking up the check.
When it comes to describing wine our vocabulary is often limited to “I like it” or “I don’t”. The French on the other hand, have no difficulty when it comes to expressing their feelings about wine. Perhaps that’s because the language of wine is much like the language of love; it’s euphemistic, metaphoric, similecious, and pornographic.
Read MoreIn Other Words – Euphemisms In Wine Journalism.
Chapter Six, Part One.
Once you’ve learned to decipher wine’s elusive qualities you may also need some tips on how to express your observations. In addition to the correlation between the flavors found in wine and the flavors found in your average fruit basket, you’ll want to describe wine’s appearance, texture, weight, oak, and umm … what’s that other one? Oh yeah, arsenic.
We turn to wine critics for help with these thorny descriptors because they are so much more than mere wine aficionados. That’s right, wine critics are also self-aggrandizing blowhards. No wait! That’s not it! I meant to say they are also writers.
Read MoreThe Monthly Wine Writing Challenge; My Best Friend Wine.
“Writing is a lonely job, unless you’re a drinker, in which case you always have a friend within reach.” Emilio Estevez
If you’re a wine aficionado, at one time or another you’ve probably said, “We can’t open the good wine when they come over.” Sure you love your friends but you rationalize your decision with sentiments like “they couldn’t possibly appreciate the wine we drink”.
Obviously these wine locusts are three rungs beneath you on the evolutionary ladder and the only thing they have in common with you is opposable thumbs – which they’ll use to drink all your expensive wine.
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