In Other Words – Euphemisms In Wine Journalism.

Once you’ve learned to decipher wine’s elusive qualities you may also need some tips on how to express your observations. In addition to the correlation between the flavors found in wine and the flavors found in your average fruit basket, you’ll want to describe wine’s appearance, texture, weight, oak, and umm … what’s that other one? Oh yeah, arsenic.

We turn to wine critics for help with these thorny descriptors because they are so much more than mere wine aficionados. That’s right, wine critics are also self-aggrandizing blowhards. No wait! That’s not it! I meant to say they are also writers.

In Search Of Umami.

Chapter Eight, Parts One & Two.

Where Have You Been All My Life?

Sweet, sour, salt, bitter … sweet, sour, salt, bitter. I repeated those words at so many events for so many years that the phrase was like my own personal mantra, rooted in my psyche by daily visits to the Deli Lama. Just imagine my concern when I learned of umami – the existence of a fifth taste was surely going to throw off my mantra rhythm. Sweet, sour, salt, bitter … UMAMI? It has a good beet but you just can’t trance to it.

Not only did this secretive fifth taste exist, it existed right under my nose – where my mouth is conveniently located. I knew if I was ever going to get my mantra groove back I needed to embrace the mystical taste I’d overlooked for so long. I gathered articles and books on the subject and soon learned that describing the taste of umami is like describing the flavor of wine, it’s just so many words on a page. Umami, like wine, must be experienced to be understood.

Life Worth Living Starts With Wine Worth Drinking.

2015 Massanois Tasting at The City Winery.

I‘ve always been inspired by Eleanor Roosevelt, who once said, “You must do the things you think you cannot do.” I took her advice to heart and I’m happy to report that I’m back at my laptop now that I’ve made bail.

Speaking of bail, last year I reviewed several wines from the Massanois trade tasting and I was able to attend again this year due to a glaring lapse in security. I only tasted the domestic wines this year because those are the wineries I wanted to pester into giving me a job. I’ve been ungainfully employed as a blogger since selling The Wine Seller last year but at least they let me keep the computer, the tax records, and the ulcer.

The Wine Aroma Wheel Goes Round & Round.

Chapter Three, Part Eight.

Wine aroma wheel copyright 2002 A C Noble www.winearomawheel.com

I‘m writing this blog under protest. I’m protesting the intolerable conditions in this frigid basement office where my breath fogs the screen and I have to sip whiskey to keep my spleen from developing potholes. Luckily this is in keeping with my new diet. I’m on the bourbon diet and I’ve already lost 300,000 brain cells.

It was 12 degrees this morning but at least the Weather Channel reports it’s going to cool down soon. My friend visited from Arizona and when he complained about the cold I said, “Hey, this isn’t so bad. It’s a dry cold.”

The household has finally adjusted to the arctic temperatures. My son has actually pulled his pants up and my wife happily fuels the fireplace with my old articles.

Forget The Oscars, Emmys & Grammys. It’s The Yeasties!

Chapter Five, Part Two.
Humans are a competitive lot. We’ve created entire industries that do nothing more than grade, score, award, and rate everything from our kids to our eggs. Does it bother you that your kids go off to school and the best they can rate is an A, but your eggs are graded AAA before they’ve even crossed the road?

Speaking of eggs, if you feel the need to put wines into a pecking order, evaluation systems have been developed to help objectively rate and record your observations. There are systems based on pure science (one short-lived magazine based their ratings on chemical analysis without ever tasting any wine) and systems cloaked in pretense (for just $499 you can own The Connoisseurs Master 60 Aromas Kit in a beautiful wooden display box!).