I Teach Therefore I Am! (Regrettably I Am In New Jersey)
Mark Twain reportedly once quipped, “The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.” For regular readers of WineSnark I’d like to say that despite my long absence from these pages I am not dead, I’m just living in New Jersey.
And when the Grim Reaper finally does come calling , I hope to go out in a trance-like stupor, just like my readers.
Not long ago I told my wife that when my time finally does come, I want to go out like Willard Motley who famously said, “Die young, and leave a good-looking corpse.”
She said, “Too late.”
Read MoreThanksgiving With Umami, & The Rest Of The Family
Thanksgiving is that special time of year when wine and food writers give thanks for the overabundance of tired old clichés they get to recycle. I firmly believe that writers shouldn’t rehash old boring clichés. My job as a writer is to create new boring clichés.
The family will be gathering at my house this Thanksgiving which means an assortment of drunkards, criminals and racists will soon gorge themselves on my hard-earned bounty. No wait, that’s not my family, that’s congress. I want to stress in no uncertain terms that my family are not drunkards, criminals and racists; they’re just drunkards.
Read MoreThe Most Interesting Man in the World is Banished to Mars!
His waterbed is filled with 1945 Chateau Pétrus.
When he buys a bottle of wine, The Wine Advocate automatically gives it 100 points.
He once created the Wine of the Year with Popeil’s Veg-O-Matic and some Tupperware.
He is … “The Most Interesting Man in the World”.
At least he was until Dos Equis, the beer brand he helped turn into a popular internet meme, announced he was being replaced by a younger actor. Jonathan Goldsmith, the 77 year-old star who has 
played the role since the ad campaign’s inception in 2006, is much more than an old guy with a smarmy Fernando Lamas accent and a bad spray-on tan. He is the life of parties he has never attended. When he drives a new car off the lot, it increases in value. He was last seen entering a rocket ship headed for outer space where he is destined to become “The Most Interesting Man on Mars”.
Gimme Somm Lovin’
What Does It take To Become A Wine Blogger?
When I heard WineSnark.com was a finalist for the Wine Blog Awards “Best Overall Wine Blog” I immediately thought of the classic Steve Winwood song, “Gimme Somm Lovin’”. Who knew Winwood and I had so much in common? Sure, he’s as creative, talented and handsome as I’m not, but if he’s going around yelling, “You gotta gimme, gimme somm lovin’” he must be an insecure sommelier desperate for approval just like me. We’re practically twins!
(Note: It’s not like me to date myself with something like a Steve Winwood reference; I usually only date myself when my wife is out of town.)
Writing has always been a part of my life. Ever since I was ten years old I’ve known exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up; an astronaut. I’ve been blogging for 2 ½ years and this is my third round as a WBA finalist so I need you to gimme somm lovin’ and vote at “Wine Blog Awards”. I’ve never won and I’ve got to get past this “always the bridesmaid, never the bride” jinx because the frilly dresses are piling up in my closet.
Read MoreScotts Name The Top 100 Most Influential Wine Blogs. My Arse!
A few of days ago I received a couple of welcome surprises in my inbox. First, it appears I’m about to come into a substantial sum of money from a Nigerian prince. Secondly, I learned that WineSnark.com has been named one of the “Top 100 Most Influential Wine Blogs of 2015”. This is in stark contrast to my present standing as “The Least Influential Person in My Own Home”.
Wine Bloggers create awards like this because they realize that actors and athletes aren’t the only insecure neurotics in need of validation. Our awards might not be as masculine as the Heisman Trophy or as phallic as the Oscar, but we still know where to put them – in the mancave next to the spelling bee trophies.
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