Lowering The Boom On Bordeaux Labels

Chapter Seven. Part Three.
Next month marks the 24th anniversary of my life in the wine and spirits trade but my preoccupation with wine actually began about a dozen years earlier. In fact, by the time I bought a wine store in 1994 both my wine cellar and my liver were overflowing with classified Bordeaux.  Given my penchant for drinking mature claret you may find it hard to believe that I still own the very first first growth I ever purchased.

In 1985 I visited Sherry-Lehmann for three consecutive days before I finally summoned the nerve and the capital to purchase a bottle of 1982 Chateau Margaux. How different would my life have turned out if I used the money for something more practical – say repaying my student loan for example. I might be writing a blog about fiscal responsibility instead of wine and then what would I do with all those liver jokes.

Rashomon, the Relativity of Taste & Marquis Fruit Weight

Chapter Five. Part Three.
In Akira Kurosawa’s classic 1950 film Rashomon, four people witness the same crime but recount drastically different versions of the event. The New York Times reported, “The title quickly entered the English language and became shorthand for the relativity of truth: “the Rashomon effect,” invoked to indicate how witnesses to the same event may see it differently.”¹

I studied Kurosawa’s work in college where my professor summarized Rashomon’s theme with the observation, “Truth is relative; therefore there is no truth.” Since becoming a student of perception I’ve come to believe my professor may have gotten it wrong. It is not truth that is relative; it is perception.

Wine News Roundup, Dateline April 1st, 2018

United Press International  (UPI) April 1, 2018
Government Study Finds Evidence of Fermented Grapes in Gallo Wine

Gallo Refinery, Modesto California

MODESTO, CA Winemakers at the Gallo Winery were stunned by a recent government study that found traces of fermented grape juice in their wines. A Gallo spokesman said, “We are launching a full investigation into the source of these unusual components in our wines. While we do allow certain grape byproducts in our wines, we do not, as a rule, allow fermented grape juice anywhere near our fine wines.”

Swirl It, Shake It, or Just Let It Be

Chapter Three. Part Nine.

Swirling wine around a wine glass introduces oxygen into the liquid which expedites the release of aromas and takes some of the tension out of firm, young reds. Better wine decanters are designed with maximum surface exposure to facilitate the same thing and some even gently oscillate to further speed the oxidation process. Romancing your wine in this way will make it more approachable but let’s face it, sometimes you want instant gratification and you just don’t have time for all that foreplay.

Super Bowl Wine Pairings: Bashful, Happy, Dopey, Grumpy & Sleepy

OMG! The Super Bowl is tomorrow and I haven’t written my annual wine and food pairing suggestions for the big game. Lucky you – this will have to be a short article because somewhere there’s a plate of nachos with my name on it (it’s true – my parents named me Don Jalapeño Carter).

The game time temperature in Minneapolis is expected to be in the single digits but the wind chill factor will make it feel colder than Melania Trump’s bedroom. That’s going to be rough on the players who will have to perform in the comfort of U.S. Bank Stadium – which is indoors! (You never see badminton players competing indoors.) Football players can be such p≈ssies. It’s no wonder they won’t go to the White House; they’re afraid the president might grab them.

The Best Of WineSnark 2017

Ever since grade school I’ve felt motivated to express myself through writing and by the time I was ten years old I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up; a mortgage banker. That’s right, I figured I’d make a fortune writing books so that I could follow my true passion; reading amortization schedules.

January is when we reflect on the memorable moments of the past year and I can think of no better way to bid 2017 adieu (that’s French for good riddance) than with a glass of wine. On second thought, better make that a bottle of wine. A magnum should suffice.

Proper Stemware? Bah Humbug!

I‘m not one to obsess over matching each specific wine varietal to its own particular type of wine glass. Just last week I tasted Shiraz from a Riedel Syrah glass and I couldn’t even tell they were spelled differently. I’m even less sensitive when it comes to spirits. I drink my whiskey from one of those pint beer glasses. Anything less and I’d have to get out of my chair too often.

Thanksgiving With Umami, & The Rest Of The Family

Thanksgiving is that special time of year when wine and food writers give thanks for the overabundance of tired old clichés they get to recycle. I firmly believe that writers shouldn’t rehash old boring clichés. My job as a writer is to create new boring clichés.

The family will be gathering at my house this Thanksgiving which means an assortment of drunkards, criminals and racists will soon gorge themselves on my hard-earned bounty. No wait, that’s not my family, that’s congress. I want to stress in no uncertain terms that my family are not drunkards, criminals and racists; they’re just drunkards.

WineSnark is a Finalist For Best Editorial/Opinion Writing Award Despite Boycott by Pluto

This year the international Born Digital Wine Awards received entries from Italy, China, Australia, India, UK, Brazil, Canada, Portugal, France, Germany, Finland, Switzerland, Spain, Greece, USA, Mars, Venus and Uranus. Pluto was disqualified when it lost its “planet” designation and their entry took light years to get here. 

What’s In A Burgundy?

Real Conversation Overheard in a Fine Wine Store:

CUSTOMER: Can you recommend a Chardonnay to go with pan-seared scallops?
ME: I highly recommend this Pouilly-Fuissé from Burgundy.
CUSTOMER: But I asked for Chardonnay.
ME: Yes, white Burgundy is made from Chardonnay.
CUSTOMER: White Burgundy? I thought you were a wine expert. Everybody knows Burgundy is red. Why do you think it’s called Burgundy?

“I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.” – Ron Burgundy

As the customer turned to leave it dawned on me that in many circles Burgundy is synonymous with world-class Chardonnay and Pinot Noir, and in other circles people are a stupid pain in the ass.

It’s understandable that most Americans don’t know what’s inside a Burgundy bottle because so many things bear the Burgundy name. First there’s the place Burgundy, then there’s the wine Burgundy, of course there’s the color Burgundy, and most famously there’s anchorman Ron Burgundy.

Wine Country Under Siege

Photo: Peter Marks

A mandatory evacuation order forced some 5,000 Calistoga residents from their homes last night. For many, the escape from this picturesque northern Napa Valley town meant threading over-burdened cars and trucks through flame-encircled roadways. The few friends and colleagues that I’ve been able to reach say that even though sporadic evacuations are the norm, there’s nothing quite as shocking as a bang on the door and the words, “Get out now! Grab your pets and go.”