Intro To The Obligatory Chapter On Wine Tasting Techniques.

Chapter Three, Part One.
I know what you’re thinking. I said this wasn’t going to be like every other wine blog on the internet and I’m already writing about how to taste wine. Every magazine and book ever written about wine has a chapter about ‘Tasting Techniques’. I know it. You know it. Even your preschooler knows it because she read about it on her i-phone.

Before you skip to the next chapter or surf off in search of cute kitty videos you should know the ‘Tasting Techniques’ chapter is a pillar of wine journalism, an institution steeped in class and tradition, much like NASCAR and hOOters.

Tasting wine and translating your impressions into words can be a daunting task. You may think, “Hey, I’ve spent hours reading shelf talkers in my favorite wine store. How hard can it be?” Well let’s give it a try. Attempt to describe the taste of coffee to someone who has never tasted it. What would you say? Aromas aren’t any easier to describe. Can you describe the aroma of a peach to someone who has never smelled one?

Some foods are easier to describe because they are named after a combination of familiar aromas or flavors. Have you ever noticed how pineapple has aromas reminiscent of both pine and apple? How about coconuts? Pay attention and you will notice scents of both cocoa and nuts. It’s an ingenious device and explains how the shiitake mushroom got its name.

If the best you can come up with is coffee tastes like… well, coffee, and peaches smell like peaches, you might ask, “Why don’t wine reviewers simply write that Syrah tastes like Syrah and Riesling smells like Riesling.” Would you buy The Wine Spectator if the reviews of the latest releases of German Rieslings looked like this?

If this is how The Wine Spectator wrote about wine I would cancel my subscription, right after the February swimsuit issue.

In an earlier blog I wrote about wines unique ability to mimic familiar aromas and flavors, so although Riesling does smell and taste like Riesling, those characteristics may remind you of tangerines, wet stones, or the back seat of your old Chevy.

Cajoling these characteristics out of a glass of wine sometimes takes a little work which is why wine writers always include a tasting techniques chapter. Oh, and because it’s the law. Statute 253, Section IV, Paragraph 45 clearly states all books written on the subject of wine appreciation must include a chapter on ‘Tasting Techniques.’ I’m including it because I’m happier sitting at bars than behind them.