Super Bowl; Because We Need Another Reason To Drink Wine
Don draws the short straw.
My family always drinks wine during religious observations, whether it’s a baptism, Easter, or Super Bowl Sunday. This year is no different even though the Giants are not playing (I guess God found the New Jersey tithes a little light).
The congregation is meeting at my house this year. That’s what happens when you draw the short straw (see illustration 1). We will gather around the 60″ LED 1080i high-definition altar with a glass of wine and watch colossal men try to maim and kill one another. It falls on me to pick the perfect wine to pair with this joyful occasion.
What is the calling, the hidden force, the innate primal drive that makes violent sports so appealing to men? Can anyone explain the macho impulses that drive men to create life threatening competitions like the Super Bowl, cliff diving and beer pong?
Read MoreHarvard Study; Men Who Drink Wine Give Wives A Hard Time
A recent study published in The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, conducted by the University of East Anglia in Norwich, England in conjunction with Harvard University concluded that a diet rich in flavonoids can improve erectile function. This is great news for wine drinkers as the flavonoid anthocyanin is prevalent in red wine. Men who drink white wine may be out of luck but apparently they won’t have any hard feelings.
When asked to comment on the findings, Adjunct Professor Willie B. Hardigan, from a local community college of little or no significance was quoted as saying, “WOO-HOO!”
Read MoreThe Best Snarcasms of 2015
It’s that time again – time to ring in the new and wring out the old. That means it’s time for writers to wring every possible article out of their year’s work by assembling “Best Of” compilations. This is one of many time-honored literary traditions, like plagiarism and making shit up.
I’m probably not smart enough to critique writing but I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night. So I’ve compiled my own “Best Of” list, and for the record I unequivocally state that I am the sole judge of my work and I have not been unduly influenced by the author.
Read MoreThe Ghost of Christmas Past Keeps Calling and Calling
I think a lot about my father at Christmas.
My earliest Christmas memories always found my father behind a pair of blinding, 8-thousand gigawatt movie lights that generated so much heat that they may have triggered the dawn of global warming. He filmed all the family milestones with his 8mm (and later, Super 8mm) movie camera and a pair of lights that kept us squinting through a decade’s worth of home movies. In the future, when alien astronauts unearth my father’s film library, they’ll probably conclude that our species perished from a super-luminous supernova.
My dad wasn’t a wine guy and I’m not one of those wine professionals who got into the trade because my parents served wine at every meal. My parents were from the cocktail generation and by the time my younger sisters were nine years old they had mastered the construction of the perfect, extra dry vodka martini.
Read MoreTop Wine Stories of 2015 From The Star Wars Galactic Empire
Star Wars VII, The Force Awakens has landed in Hollywood and opens in theatres throughout the Galactic Empire in the next few days.¹ Will the Dark Side come out on top or will the Jedi bring balance to the Force. If you’ve just woken from a 40 year coma, the Force is “an energy field created by all living things that…binds the galaxy together”² kind of like a colossal, cosmic dose of Pepto Bismol.
If the past year for the wine trade is any indication, the Dark Side has the upper hand, as stories of discrimination, wine toxins, fires and drought monopolized the headlines. Following are the top wine stories of 2015 compiled from a galaxy far, far away.
Read MoreScotts Name The Top 100 Most Influential Wine Blogs. My Arse!
A few of days ago I received a couple of welcome surprises in my inbox. First, it appears I’m about to come into a substantial sum of money from a Nigerian prince. Secondly, I learned that WineSnark.com has been named one of the “Top 100 Most Influential Wine Blogs of 2015”. This is in stark contrast to my present standing as “The Least Influential Person in My Own Home”.
Wine Bloggers create awards like this because they realize that actors and athletes aren’t the only insecure neurotics in need of validation. Our awards might not be as masculine as the Heisman Trophy or as phallic as the Oscar, but we still know where to put them – in the mancave next to the spelling bee trophies.
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