Similes In Wine Journalism Are Like ‘Totally Awesome’.

Chapter Six, Part Two.
Americans often have difficulty with the vocabulary of wine analysis, which is odd as we seem to have no problem talking about our “feelings”. We’ve become so sensitive that I often well up with tears just watching a Hallmark commercial and something really emotional can send me to bed for a week, say something like picking up the check.

When it comes to describing wine our vocabulary is often limited to “I like it” or “I don’t”. The French on the other hand, have no difficulty when it comes to expressing their feelings about wine. Perhaps that’s because the language of wine is much like the language of love; it’s euphemistic, metaphoric, similecious, and pornographic.

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In Other Words – Euphemisms In Wine Journalism.

Chapter Six, Part One.

Once you’ve learned to decipher wine’s elusive qualities you may also need some tips on how to express your observations. In addition to the correlation between the flavors found in wine and the flavors found in your average fruit basket, you’ll want to describe wine’s appearance, texture, weight, oak, and umm … what’s that other one? Oh yeah, arsenic.

We turn to wine critics for help with these thorny descriptors because they are so much more than mere wine aficionados. That’s right, wine critics are also self-aggrandizing blowhards. No wait! That’s not it! I meant to say they are also writers.

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The Umami Tsunami.

Chapter Eight, Part Three.

One + One = Three (The Synergy Of Umami).

The subtle, savory fifth taste known as umami was first identified by Japanese scientist Kikunae Ikeda in 1907. In researching umami he discovered that it was linked with the amino acid glutamate and his investigations led to the development of monosodium glutamate (MSG) as a flavor enhancer. I could feed you lots of material about the development of umami-rich MSG but you would just be hungry for more in an hour.

The umami tsunami began in earnest six years after Ikeda’s discovery when his follower Shintaro Kodama learned that glutamate, when combined with nucleotides, creates a dramatic flavor enhancing synergy. For example, when meat (high in the nucleotide inosinate) is combined with glutamate-rich foods like tomatoes or cheese, a significant umami boost is created. To understand the power of this synergy, think of the flattering outcome when you add cheese to a hamburger or braciola to tomato sauce (or as we say in New Jersey, you put the bruh-johl in the gravy).

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In Search Of Umami.

Chapter Eight, Parts One & Two.

Where Have You Been All My Life?

Sweet, sour, salt, bitter … sweet, sour, salt, bitter. I repeated those words at so many events for so many years that the phrase was like my own personal mantra, rooted in my psyche by daily visits to the Deli Lama. Just imagine my concern when I learned of umami – the existence of a fifth taste was surely going to throw off my mantra rhythm. Sweet, sour, salt, bitter … UMAMI? It has a good beet but you just can’t trance to it.

Not only did this secretive fifth taste exist, it existed right under my nose – where my mouth is conveniently located. I knew if I was ever going to get my mantra groove back I needed to embrace the mystical taste I’d overlooked for so long. I gathered articles and books on the subject and soon learned that describing the taste of umami is like describing the flavor of wine, it’s just so many words on a page. Umami, like wine, must be experienced to be understood.

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Life Worth Living Starts With Wine Worth Drinking.

I‘ve always been inspired by Eleanor Roosevelt, who once said, “You must do the things you think you cannot do.” I took her advice to heart and I’m happy to report that I’m back at my laptop now that I’ve made bail.

Speaking of bail, last year I reviewed several wines from the Massanois trade tasting and I was able to attend again this year due to a glaring lapse in security. I only tasted the domestic wines this year because those are the wineries I wanted to pester into giving me a job. I’ve been ungainfully employed as a blogger since selling The Wine Seller last year but at least they let me keep the computer, the tax records, and the ulcer.

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