The Best Snarcasms of 2015

One day this will seem funny

It’s that time again – time to ring in the new and wring out the old. That means it’s time for writers to wring every possible article out of their year’s work by assembling “Best Of” compilations. This is one of many time-honored literary traditions, like plagiarism and making shit up.

I’m probably not smart enough to critique writing but I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night. So I’ve compiled my own “Best Of” list, and for the record I unequivocally state that I am the sole judge of my work and I have not been unduly influenced by the author.

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Metaphors In Wine Journalism.

Chapter Six, Part Three.
Rocket ScienceAre you feeling some trepidation about your ability to accurately evaluate and describe wine? Relax. Wine analysis isn’t black arts or brain surgery … It’s rocket science. Hey, I’m kidding. Describing wine is easy. All you need is a steady stream of euphemisms, metaphors and dialysis treatments.

If you’ve been following these pages you should now be adept at euphemisms and similes so it’s time to let the right brain step up to the plate and take a swing at metaphors. Wine writers use a truckload of metaphors, or maybe it’s a ton of metaphors … no, it’s a sea of … you get the idea, we use lots of metaphors.

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Similes In Wine Journalism Are Like ‘Totally Awesome’.

Chapter Six, Part Two.
Afroamerikanischer Jazzmusiker mit FlügelhornAmericans often have difficulty with the vocabulary of wine analysis, which is odd as we seem to have no problem talking about our “feelings”. We’ve become so sensitive that I often well up with tears just watching a Hallmark commercial and something really emotional can send me to bed for a week, say something like picking up the check.

When it comes to describing wine our vocabulary is often limited to “I like it” or “I don’t”. The French on the other hand, have no difficulty when it comes to expressing their feelings about wine. Perhaps that’s because the language of wine is much like the language of love; it’s euphemistic, metaphoric, similecious, and pornographic.

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